by Jessica Haines

Now, this might not seem like much of a thing to some people. And I’ll hold my hands up and say it wasn’t much of one to me when I was a more a reader than a writer. A good book was a good book, and that was all I needed to warm my cockles.

But, when I picked up that pen, or switched on the old laptop, wanting to bring to life one the stories bouncing around in my head, things definitely become a lot more complicated.

I dabbled in third person a lot at the beginning, it was what I’d predominantly remembered seeing in books before, so it just made sense to follow their lead. But when I tried to write a character that had been crushed to their very core when someone they believed loved them tore that love away, I felt like an outsider looking in. While creating my own story, I struggled to make it feel right. And that didn’t make any sense to me.

So, I stepped away from my computer, not knowing what wasn’t working. Why could someone else create such powerful emotions, with such accuracy, and I couldn’t make it work for me when it was my words going on the page?

There was a lot of soul searching, and imposter syndrome chatter, too (though that seems to never want to leave!) but even though the words weren’t flowing onto the page, the voices were still rambling on in my head.

Then, I had a coffee and cake day with a writer friend, and she mentioned tweaking the POV. Maybe giving it a different perspective might help me get the words out. And you know what? Within a few days I’d filled a notebook with a first person POV fanfic featuring The Winter Soldier. Judge me all you want, but we all know Bucky is much more tempting than Cap will ever be.

And it didn’t stop there. Other ideas flowed. I’d be at the gym or doing the school run, going over scenarios in my head. And when the pen hit paper, it started to make sense. And then I needed to add wings, because I always need to have something a little extra.

But that was it for me, I need to realise my stories were more character-based, and I needed that step closer to engage more with how I wanted their journey to go. Perhaps if I had something more plot-based, I’d change it up again and see how that goes.

Now, I know this is just me and that some writers don’t want to write in first person, as it can get too deep and intrusive when getting through those dark nights of the soul (Gwen Hayes, we love you), and that’s all good. I love a good third person, and will keep reading them until they are pried from my cold, dead fingers. But for me, I need to get inside the action, grab my magnifying glass and really get involved in what’s happening.

And if anyone wants to come and have a chat with me about second person POVs? Then that will be an entirely different, and much longer blog post. But I’m here for it!